Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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