FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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