remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
