he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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