Michael Bay diarrhea
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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