How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
