ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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