I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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