did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize