Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am spending my child support on dildos
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
