well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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