I will die if light touches me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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