Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
