Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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