I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
