We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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