But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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