She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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