oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
