Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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