I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
