We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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