bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
