i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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