I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
