we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
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Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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