My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
