I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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