as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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