I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
