but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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