I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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