im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what day is it and did you see me today?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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