we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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