God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
