One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
