What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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