I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
