no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
