Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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