I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
