I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
