I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
