Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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