I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
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I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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