I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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