I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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