So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
be right there i have to get my cape
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
