listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
