You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
