I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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