i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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