People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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