i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
