yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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