Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
