This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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