i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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