Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
