So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Quick, to the slutcave!
you will always have a special place in my vag
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
