either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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