the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
