T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
