What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
