Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize