I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
