please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
