I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was born a porn star she said
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
