omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
