I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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