Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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