I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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