the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just high enough for therapy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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