still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
