My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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