i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
