Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
