no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
