I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
